I’m 29 today. No big plans, just relaxing at home.
I’ve always hoped I would be a mother before I was 30. Kind of always said in the back of my mind, don’t wanna wait until after I’m 30. Given that we started trying when I was still 25, I never thought it would be a problem.
It’s still hard to believe that my hopes might come true. I still find it tough to think about things that far down the line. August is still a long time away, and yet, the last few weeks have gone so quickly.
I’ve given up on keeping my mouth shut. We’re telling pretty much anyone who asks now. Since I missed about a week of work, everyone was really worried that something was very wrong with me. It’s hard to know what I think is the best thing to do. If the worst were to happen, chas v’shalom, these folks would all find out. There would be sympathy cards. That’s just the sort of place I work at. We give cards and cake and flowers. So it seems that the only real question is whether or not to explain why I suddenly bolt from my desk to the bathroom. Why I have to pee every hour. Why I am so tired people can say my name three times before I realize they are talking to me. And why I don’t think it’s cold in here, even if they refuse to turn on the heat.
As a coworker pointed out yesterday, I said “I’m pregnant” and not “I’m going to have a baby” or “I’m going to be a mother.” Which, I think, gets back to infertility. You see, in this world, one does not always lead to the other. And unfortunately, I’m still not ready to make that leap. I am pregnant. But I don’t think I’ll feel comfortable saying “I’m going to be a mother” until I’m holding our little one.
What do other people think?