Oh no! My face fell off! And other horror stories.

For the record, I am feeling much better. The B6 seems to be more effective the longer you take it, which means today is an even better day than yesterday. I did have a little spew this morning, but it was minor and I think it was just because the toilet bowl missed seeing my face.

There are, of course, some other funny things going on in my body that are worth mentioning.

I’ve always had oily skin. My mom and gram had oily skin too. So when I got pregnant, I broke out with some really fabulous pimples. They were so hideous that I actually started wearing makeup, which prompted most of my coworkers to remark about how great I was looking. Oh the hilarity.

This morning, I managed to take a nice shower and get good and clean for the first time in … well … longer than anyone in Modiin would actually like me to admit to. Sorry if I smelled.

After washing my face, I finished up, dried off and pulled the towel back to see that most of my face apparently fell off. It was like a chemical peel without the chemicals. That said, I slopped on some moisturizer for my newly dry complexion and am looking pretty fab now.

And, as promised, another insight into how your bowels are not your own during pregnancy (skip if you’re squeamish):

This morning I woke up with some killer gas pains. After a couple long, melodious and thoroughly enjoyable farts, I was feeling better. But there was still some gurgling and I figgered I had one good one left in me. Thinking I could gently ease the little bugger out by trying to relax all the various muscles down there, I thought calming thoughts.

And then I pooped on myself.

Just a little bit. Fabulously embarrassing. Managed to get to the toilet for the remainder. Despite every evidence to the contrary, it would appear that I am well hydrated enough to have diarrhea.

This really isn’t a beautiful process, this procreation, now is it?

It’s on little parasite. You mess with the bull, you get the horns. Keep it up and we’ll see just how poorly my hearing works for those late-night feedings.

Finally, I would like to say a big thanks to all the folks who have been so kind both inside the computer and in real life as of late. They’ve let me in their cars even though I might get sick. And they talked me out of panics (and y’all know how good I am at panicking). Thanks again everyone. Let’s hope it keeps getting better.

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3 responses to “Oh no! My face fell off! And other horror stories.

  1. I’m sorry that happened to you.
    I’m glad the b6 is helping. I’ll keep that in mind.
    If your face fell off, then the zits fell off too, presumably? Yay for no zits!

    Feel good!

  2. None such luck. I think that if we were to dig deep into my face, we would find that the zits are anchored at a foundation level. Kind of like re-bar below the highway paving.

  3. This post is so funny! Thanks for sharing and making me realize that I’m not the only one with digestive issues right now! I really appreciate it!

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