Snow White and Seven OPKs

I’ve been remiss about posting and feel like a real no talent ass clown for it. So Mel goes and creates a fabulous week to encourage posts and comments and what do I do? I get bogged down in stuff at work and take up golf. More on those life lessons in later posts.

Ah sorry. Here’s a real IF post.


Snow White and the Seven OPKs (which were also fairly snow white)

When we left our noble heroine, she had taken her five Clomid pills and was eagerly anticipating ovulation. She approached the blessed event with mucus relief pills regularly in her system, hoping to thwart the evil menace Bad Mucus.

While fumbling through her Target store one sunny afternoon, the good lady stumbled upon a pack of seven First Response OPK sticks. She purchased the kit with joy and alacrity, in hopes they might help her determine when to do the deed.

And so on CD12:

“Hi ho, hi ho, it’s into pee we go…”

But the stick returned a snow white negative. The testing continued every other day until on CD16:

“Hi ho, hi ho, it’s into pee we go…”

The stick was less negative, but far from positive. Daily testing continued.

“Hi ho, hi ho, it’s into pee we go…”

Until it was back to snow white on CD20. A positive test never happened.

The End


Discussion questions:

1. Why is it that I can ovulate when I’m really not supposed to (during an IVF cycle) but can’t pop and egg for love or money when I need to?

2. How do you determine when to have a progesterone test to see if you ovulated?

3. What if I did ovulate and (since I never had an ultrasound) I get pregnant with dodecatuplets? I do believe the implications of that would mean that Mel must move not only her family, but significant portion of her shul congregation to Israel.

In other news:

I think the apartment is for sure now. And thanks to everyone who came to my blog for Commentathon and were kind enough to manufacture a comment when all the crap I had posted really didn’t have jack to do with IF. Very bad planning on my part. Sorry and I do really appreciate it and hope you will come back for more tales from my uterus.


4 responses to “Snow White and Seven OPKs

  1. The Town Criers

    Dodecatuplets means that we need to build a new shul in Israel just so your own family can daven…

    Since I am trying to time a progesterone test right now, I do the lame-ass approach of taking my temp and going 7 days after Fertility Friend gives me a coverline. This plan has so far been thwarted twice–once by a trip and once by a lack of normal ovulation.


  2. About OPKs. As somone who’s tried to use them, here’s my take on it… If you follow the instructions perfectly, you will probably get an accurate reading. The times I tried to use them I either gave up or never got a positive (these are the times I got pregnant). I admit that since I was stealing them from myself (I import and sell them at ridiculously cheap prices in Israel), I didn’t really follow the instructions well enough (like I skipped a day, took them at the wrong time of day and drank too much before trying) but I think most people have trouble doing it right. The readings on clomid are also known to be less than perfect.

    The advice I give to the women I sell them to is to use them to try to pinpoint ovulation, but not to count on them exclusively.

    I hope you won’t get pregnant with dodecatuplets – the elevator (in your new building) is too small for the stroller you’d need šŸ˜‰ I’m SO glad to hear that the apartment seems to be working out for you. I can imagine how stressful it must have been.

  3. It’s all a part of my hare-brained scheme to always have a minyan handy.

    “It’s a multi-season sport you can play in long sleeves and a skirt. Men and women can play together and you could probably even find a way to play on shabbos if you didn’t use a cart.”

    “What is golf? I’ll take potent potables for $200.”

  4. Rachel – you totally missed the opportunity to promote yourself. Rachel sells OPKs, and probably a fair bit cheaper than Target.

    In Israel, she runs a good bit cheaper than anyone else, and about 1/3 of the price of pharmacies…

    you can buy through
    or write to Rachel directly Rachel-at-poriut-dot-com

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