Yeah, baby. I rocked that first shot.
There are very few benefits to being overweight. One is most certainly that I didn’t even feel the needle. It didn’t hurt at all.
For the record, if you’re dreading your first shot, here’s a great way to get it over with quickly and painlessly. That said, you’ll need to start preparing well in advance.
First off, get a middle management, high stress position where you rarely get to take a lunch break. My position is as an editor in a newspaper newsroom, which works very well. Due to the wide range of when I need to work, I get to take most if not all of my shots at work. Yay!
If your first injection can coincide with ongoing major news, all the better.
Take too long at your lunch (okay, 5 p.m.) break. Come back just minutes before 6 p.m., the blessed hour you have deigned as your injection time.
Bust your ass to the most secluded bathroom you have. Forget directions about how to do injection at your desk. Bust ass back to desk, and then to loo again.
Break out your kit. Prepare injection. Clean a 30 square inch area with multiple alcohol pads in order to account for lack of hand-eye coordination.
Plan on actually doing the injection in one swift stab as directed. Consider closing eyes. Reconsider. Realize that someone stupid enough to perform first injection with eyes closed does not exactly qualify for “mother of the year.”
Wait for it to dry. Pinch and stab. Remark to self:
“I didn’t even feel it. I am so fat.”
Inject dosage. Remove needle. Stare at injection site. Properly store needle. Return to desk, smug as can be.
Okay, so it’s a tiny needle and a tiny injection. I know it gets worse. But I’m feeling pretty good about this now.