I think I’m still fairly on top of the comments responses, but I’ve been lax about questions I’ve gotten via e-mail. Here’s my attempt at getting caught up:
If you’re really observant, why were you on DepoProvera? … You don’t sound like you’re actually orthodox. … It’s not tznius to discuss the things you talk about here. … Your blog is a chillul HaShem. … You haven’t been blessed with children for a reason — don’t question God’s will. And my favorite (not a paraphrase):
“You haven’t been given children because you already have baby items in your home. You wouldn’t be a good mother, and I can’t see how you will raise children in a torahdik environment when you act the way you do and flout it.”
Righto. Now you see why I’ve been lax in responding. I think the last one is the equivalent of a troll. The others are just mildly hurtful. Here are my responses.
First up: DepoProvera. I had severe anemia due to the fact that the area where I went to college did not have a kosher grocery. I didn’t eat meat for four years, and it took my body a long time to recover afterward. So I guess you could say my diligence in observing the mitzvah had its pros and cons. I was put on Depo so that a) I wouldn’t menstruate and lose more iron and b) so I wouldn’t conceive until my anemia had been corrected.
I am a modern orthodox woman. Just because you’re orthodox doesn’t mean you’re made from a mold. We are all very different. I think a fair share of Jews and many non-Jews see it as a piety issue. It isn’t really. We just try to follow the law as best we can. As evidenced by my fuckup this morning, we occasionally make mistakes … just like real people.
I can kind of see where you’re coming from on the tznius issue. I have concerns of my own about the graphic nature of dealing with IVF and the subsequent blogging about it. That said, I have learned exponentially more about treating fertility issues (no I word on this blog) from my “friends inside the computer” than I ever have from a doctor, medical organization, etc
At the risk of sounding horrifically sappy, I do not think I would have tried IVF at this point in my life if it was not for Julie. Mind you, the woman has no idea who I am, but I had coverage for fertility for a good six months before I even picked up the phone and tried to find an RE. “A little pregnant” was for me what I assume “The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy” is to pregnant women.
At the top of ProjGen’s blog, you’ll find the tagline: “The act of creation requires me, my husband, G-d. And a whole lotta technology.”
If I have the absolute joy of holding an adorable baby of my own some day, a whole lot of credit will go out to Julie and Old Guard (mind you, not old women) who had the courage to post their stories online. Not to bash the Hubby, but: he’s here for me when I really need him. Julie’s blog is always there.
So yeah, talk to me about the untzniusdik behavior of frum women posting their blogs online when it results in more healthy Jewish babies. I’ll try and give a damn. As for my blog being a chilul hashem, I’ll make sure to remember it on Yom Kippur.
Your damn right I haven’t been blessed with children for a reason. We’re fertilistically challenged. If it really isn’t “to be,” it’ll never happen and no amount of IVF will fix it. But thanks for your concern.
I know the feeding of trolls — even the ones without the courage to post their comments — is generally ill advised on blogs. But this woman picked the wrong damn cycle day for me to have time to respond.
And the last one: Let’s just say a woman is pregnant with her second child. The first child is, for the sake of destroying your argument, six months old. Does the mother have to throw out all the baby stuff in her home that her first child is using in order to successfully carry the second baby — according to minhag?
No. Because that would be ridiculous. Retail items of a infantile nature do not render a couple infertile.
“You wouldn’t be a good mother, and I can’t see how you will raise children in a torahdik environment when you act the way you do and flout it.”
If you can honestly e-mail someone who is going through a rough patch and tell them they will not raise their yet-to-be-had children properly, you are not … wait for it …
a good mother, a good woman, a good person or a loving member of am yisrael.
For the record, the “writer” writes from Bozeman, Montana. Not exactly a bustling metro of Jewish community, if I do say so myself.
I’ll let you know what type of ima I make when I’m raising my kids in eretz yisrael.